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Vaba foorum kus võib arutada mujale mittesobivatel teemadel.
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Partisan
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Varemeist tõuseb kättemaks.
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Marissa
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: see nüüd küllpäeva parim nali
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Soobel
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See olla tõestisündind lugu (lootkem, et adminnid mind selle eest kartsa ei pane)


Üks tuttav machomees reisis sõpradega Läti pinnal. Õlled sees, kuraasi täis ja vaja näidata end muidu kõva mehena.
Läks hamburgeri kioski ette ja tellis: "Seitse türa jobikastmes!"
"Kas ära ka sööd või?" kostis kioskiluugist vastus.
Niimoodi sumbus eneseupitamise missioon Lätti eksinud eestlasest hamburgerimüüja sõnadesse.

Olen kuulnud, et niimoodi lolli mängides on mujalgi juhuslike kaasmaalaste otsa komistatud.
Vaid Siil mu kõrval lebas siin. Ta suri ammu.
[img]http://www.soobel.planet.ee/TGMB.gif[/img]
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speedsta
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Ajateenija saadab vanaemale postipakiga granaadi, kaasa on kiri. "Kallis vanaema, tõmba splindist, siis saan ma linnaloale." :lol:
Kui on probleem, tõmba lõuga
Poluvernyk34
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nendele kes jagavad vene keelt. Siin on palju sõjamehe tarkusi .



http://www.volno.narod.ru/
Poluvernyk34
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Siin pole vaja keelt teada :).

http://www.fuflo.ru/
uusmario
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Postitus Postitas uusmario »

Oaths of Enlistment

US Air Force Oath of Enlistment

I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the United StatesAir Force because I'm too smart for the Army and because the Marines frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously.

I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise. I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact.

After completion of my <snicker>"Basic Training," I will be a lean, mean,donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chairborne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. I consent to never getting promoted (EVER) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow. So help me God.

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US Army Oath of Enlistment

I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps.

I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when have a date. I willcontinue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test.

After completion of my sexual...er...I mean Boot Camp, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.

While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working in construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So help me God.

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US Navy Oath of Enlistment

I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "hey, I like to swim...why not?"

I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my namestenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter.

I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world. Using worlds like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" instead of "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and ensignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutey no sense whatsoever.

I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every morning unless I am buddy- buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues." So help me Neptune.

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US Marine Corps Oath of Enlistment

I, state your name, swear... uuhhhh... high-and-tight... <grunt>... cammies... uhh... ugh... Air Force women... HOORAH! So help me Corps.

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bambino
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http://www.fazed.org/video/view/?id=59

Tegu ilmselt rikkis relvaga.
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Marissa
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Sõjaväelased erinevatest väeliikidest pole kuigi koostöövõimelised, sest nad lihtsalt ei saa samadest asjadest kunagi ühemoodi aru ega räägi sama keelt.
Näiteks, kui öelda mereväelastele: "kindlustage hoone," siis nad lülitavad tuled välja ja lukustavad uksed.
Maaväelased seevastu blokeerivad hoolikalt hoone sissepääsud ja ei lase kedagi siseneda.
Merejalaväelased ründavad ehitist, võtavad selle kiiresti üle ja kaitsevad maja kõigist ustest ja akendest tuld ning tina välja paisates.
Õhuväelased saavad hoopis aru, et nad peavad sõlmima kolmeaastase laenulepingu hoone kasutamiseks ja kindlasti ei unusta nad omandamast ka selle ostueesõigust hilisemaks ajaks.
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bambino kirjutas:http://www.fazed.org/video/view/?id=59

Tegu ilmselt rikkis relvaga.
hehe, nali hea. ilmselt oli laeng vahepeal lubatust kõrgemalt maha kukkunud. aga see polegi nii naljakas, kui asi, mida ma aastate eest mingist eesti uudistekanalist nägin: jutt siis mingist arabiteemast...sissid...värgid... taustaks klipp mingist turbanist, kes mäeveerul RPG'ga sihib. sihin, sihib ja sis laseb. tagant käib tulelont, eestki tuleb tossu. granaat liigub edasi täpselt nii palju, et jääb migit viimast tagumist sentimeetrit pidi torust välja rippuma. ripub hetke seal poolkõvas asendis ning kukub siis sinnasamma, tüübi nina ette maha. kogu lõbu kestab umbes 3-4 sekundit. lõpetuseks vaatab alul hästi ulja olekuga tüüp kuidagi süüdlaslikult ja häbenedes kaamerasse ning naeratab virilalt :twisted: vot see oli kino mida ma praegu irvitades meenutan. no ok, ei olnud turbani süü, et laeng persses aga margi tegi elu lõpuni täis küll.
uusmario
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Postitus Postitas uusmario »

21sajandi armee, ehk siis mis tulemas on


You know your Advanced Warfighting Experiment unit is too technologically advanced when...

18. Every vehicle has "Intel Inside" stenciled on the side.

17. The service is renamed "US Army99."

16. Tanks play a little tune when you start them up.

15. The platoon medic carries Norton Anti-Virus in his first-aid kit.

14. Your gunsights have a Win95 startup screen.

13. Every night Marine Corps boot camp recruits shout, "Good night, Bill Gates, wherever you are!"

12. Bayonets have a laser rangefinder and barometric pressure gauge.

11. Military funerals feature the "21 beep salute" and the "missing file formation."

10. Unit guidons are replaced with black-and-white bar codes.

9. Crashing a vehicle takes on a whole new meaning.

8. Maintenance companies of forward support battalions are replaced by 1-800 service numbers.

7. Every platoon's TO&E includes "Sun Certified Java programmer - 1 each."

6. Rifles come with a boot disk.

5. Soldiers are heard to ask, "How many MEGs you got in your rucksack?"

4. Night vision goggles have a screen saver.

3. After lasing the target, your tank asks, "Do you really want to delete this target?"

2. Hand grenades require you to put in a password before throwing them.

1. SINCGARS(SINGLE CHANNEL GROUND and AIRBORNE RADIO SYSTEM) is the most user-friendly piece of equipment you have.
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Marissa
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"Reamees, kas munder on teile paras?"
"Paras, härra veebel!"
"Ja saapad sobivad?"
"Nagu valatult, härra veebel?"
"Ega müts ei juhtu liiga suur olema?"
"Täpselt paras, härra veebel!"
"Kurat, mitte ei saa aru, kuidas nad säärase kehaehitusega mehe nagu teie, komisjonist üldse läbi lasksid?!"
soadf
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Marissa
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Külastab veteran oma perega endisi lahingupaiku. Ühe metsasalu juures jääb ta mõtlikult seisma:
"Just siin langes meie major nagu niidetult..."
"Sai ta siis surma või haavata?" küsib naine.
"Ei, ta oli lihtsalt purjus…"
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