Nali

[holt]

Saksamaa. Vanaisal heliseb telefon, toru otsas poeg:
“Isa, tead, mu poisiga on jama: sõpradega väljas ei käi, istub arvutis, oma tüdrukut ka pole… Ma ei tea, mida Ottoga küll teha.”
“Olgu,” teatab vanaisa. “Tulen läbi, vaatame.”
Vanaisa istub Otto kõrvale ja hakkab rääkima: “Tead, kui mina noor olin, põrutasime sõpradega Pariisi, läksime Moulin Rouge’i, panime tantsutüdrukutele taha, siis läksime üle tee kõrtsi, jõime ära kõik, mis põles ning andsime baaripidajale veel korralikku keretäie! See oli tõeliselt lõbus, sina aga istud toas…”
Möödub paar nädalat, kui vanaisal heliseb jälle telefon, poeg toru otsas:
“Kuule, mu poisiga on jama, äkki tuled siia…”
Vanaisa lähebki ja näeb, et pojapoeg lamab voodis üleni sidemetes, kipsis…
“Mis juhtus?” Pärib vanaisa.
“Tahtsime teha sõpradega nii nagu sina, sõitsime Pariisi, läksime Moulin Rouge'i ja…”
“Oot-oot, aga kes teie reisi organiseeris?”
“Neckermann Reisen, aga mis siis?”
“Ahsoo, meile aga Wehrmacht…”

[kapralheinz]

Kutsealune Vene Armee Med. Komisjonis:

[Veltu]

Oh sa poiss,kujutan ette,et sellel mehel küll sõjaväes hästi ei lähe.

[Tundmatu sõdur nr. 4]

Sittagi siin sõjaväega pistmist pole. Poiss on kuskil vene vanglatsoonis medülevaatusel - 2 püstiseisvat kutti kannavad tüüpilist vanglaroobat; arst kannab tavalist vene ohvitseripluusi ja armee jaoks ebatavalise kamoga pükse - aga just sarnast kamo kohtab vene vanglatsoonide personalil. Ning tavavorm ja auastmed on sel personalil identsed armee omadega.

Aga pilt iseenesest on muidugi pull.

[son]

http://www.ritterkreuz.cz/download.php?soubor=57

[Troll]

INGLISE KEELE HARJUTUSED:

Esimene harjutus, algajatele.
>Kolm nõida vahivad kolme Swatch kella. Milline nõid vahib millist
kella?

Ja nüüd inglise keeles:
>Three witches watch three swatch watches. Which witch watches which
swatch watch?

Teine harjutus, inglise keel edasijõudnutele:
>Kolm transvestiidi nõida vahivad kolme nuppu Swatch kellal. Milline transvestiidi nõid vahib millist nuppu?

Ja nüüd inglise keeles:
>Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which
switched witch watches which Swatch watch switch?

Kolmas ja viimane harjutus, täielikele proffidele:
>Kolm Sveitsi transvestiidi nõida, kes soovivad ennast ümber lõigata, vahivad kolme nuppu Swatch kellal. Milline ümberlõikust ootav
transvestiidi nõid vahib millist nuppu?

Ja nüüd see kõik inglise keeles:
>Three swiss witch-bitches, which wished to be switched swiss
witch-bitches, watch three swiss Swatch watch switches. Which swiss witch-bitch, which wishes to be a switched swiss witch-bitch, wishes to watch which swiss Swatch watch switch.

[Marissa]

Kukkusin katsel kolinal läbi, kuigi keelt õpitud .... Aga Troll, kas sa ise ikka said sellega hakkama

[Veltu]

Mök,mök.Eee, selle viimase lõigu lugemise ajal läks keel sõlme.

[PATRIOOT]

Kuni selle viimase lõigu lugemiseni olin suht kindel et oskan seda keelt aga nüüd pean vist kooli minema sest keel läks sõlme ja aru ei saand lõpuks kah mitte s*****i...

PATRIOOT

[Veltu]

Kordamine on tarkuse ema

[Troll]

.... Aga Troll, kas sa ise ikka said sellega hakkama

Kus sa sellega, tükk aega harutasin pärast sõlmes keelt lahti.

Aga nüüd veel üks test:

Öelge ühe hingetõmbega välja see maoorikeelne mäenimi (asub Uus-Meremaal, North Island, Central Hawke’s Bay, Waipukurau küla lähedal):
Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu´

[Troll]

OK, kutid, vaatame, kuidas oleks Teine Maailmasõda kõlanud chat-roomis:

.. World War Two had been an online Real Time Strategy game, the chat room traffic would have gone something like this:

*Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
*Eisenhower has joined the game.*
*paTTon has joined the game.*
*Churchill has joined the game.*
*bennyto has joined the game.*
*T0J0 has joined the game.*
*Roosevelt has joined the game.*
*Stalin has joined the game.*
*deGaulle has joined the game.*
Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
bennyto: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
bennyto: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*
Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
bennyto: with what? ur wheelchair?
bennyto: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
Hitler[AoE]: wtf
Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
bennyto: haha
bennyto: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
Stalin: church help me
Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
Stalin: dont be an arss
Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
Eisenhower: LOL
bennyto: hahahh oh sh1t help
Hitler: o man ur focked
paTTon: oh what now biotch
Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
*bennyto has been eliminated.*
bennyto: lame
Roosevelt: gj patton
paTTon: thnx
Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
Eisenhower: Nuts!
bennyto: wtf that mean?
Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
Stalin: rofl
T0J0: HAHAHHAA
Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
*Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
bennyto: OMG u noob you killed yourself
Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
Stalin: OMG LMAO!
Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
paTTon: hahahhah
T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
bennyto: shut up noob
Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
Eisenhower: yah me too
T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
Eisenhower: fock u
paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
Stalin: go to hell lol
paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
Eisenhower: yah this is gay
*Roosevelt has left the game.*
Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
*tru_m4n has joined the game.*
tru_m4n: hi all
T0J0: hey
Stalin: sup
Churchill: hi
*Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
T0J0: wtf is nukes?
T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
*T0J0 has been eliminated.*
*The Allied team has won the game!*
Eisenhower: awesome!
Churchill: gg noobs no re
T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
*T0J0 has left the game.*
*Eisenhower has left the game.*
Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
tru_m4n: l8r all
bennyto: bye
Churchill: l8r
Stalin: fock u all
tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
*tru_m4n has left the game.*
bennyto: lololol u commie
Churchill: ROFL
Churchill: bye commie
*Churchill has left the game.*
*benny~tow has left the game.*
Stalin: i hate u all fags
*Stalin has left the game.*
paTTon: lol no1 is left
paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
*paTTon has been eliminated.*
paTTon: o sh1t!
*paTTon has left the game.*

[Soobel]

Räägitekse veel, et:

Lampjalgadega stampvambilgi on rambikramp.

[Veltu]

Rääägitakse,et lampjalgsuse korral pole valgustust vajagi. Valguse annab jala põhjas olev lamp...

[Sasha]

Militaar.ameerika:
http://home.nc.rr.com/rr223rd/pictures/IMG_0413.jpg

Militaar.aasia:
http://www.liveinternet.ru/images/foto/ ... 945334.jpg